The “Boundaries” Philosophy

Yes, using “counsel” in that verse, Prov. 19:21 is excellent.  We could also say instead of “purpose” or “will”, “The wisdom of the LORD will stand.”  Because, you’re right, since HE knows best, then that’s what works –that’s what stands– though He can do this without forcing our free wills.  So yes, His sovereignty over all that confuses us is comforting for sure.

You asked about “boundaries” and why I called that philosophy “wretched”.  Well, I meant just that.  That “way” is not the biblical way.  It promotes the false “Gospel of Self”.  The true gospel calls us to die to self, yet “boundaries” endorses self-protection, self-interest, and self-love.  And this is exactly in line with what 1 Tim. 3:1-5 warns us about.  “In the last days people will be lovers of themselves.”  Of course that’s been the way throughout history; however, the difference is that it has only recently been promoted as part of Christianity, thus skyrocketing these non-Christlike attitudes throughout families –creating havoc.

Certainly, there is a time to remove ourselves from harm –whether it be emotional, mental, or physical– but even that is only when God leads us to do so.  I realize that that sounds very contrary to society’s wisdom, but it IS God’s wisdom.  Jesus Himself did not remove Himself from mocking and spitting and crucifixion.  He actually had prayed in anguish, “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.”  (Luke 22:42)  Oh, and let me also point out verse 43, “An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him.”  If God calls us to suffer through a trial, He will bring strength to us –when we cry out to Him– in order that we may endure it.

This all is pathetic nonsense to someone promoting the “boundaries” gospel, especially when the “trial” is brought on by another person.  But that’s because 1 Cor. 2:14 applies to them:  “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

We are called to love God and love others, the focus being on relationship and on honoring God –NOT on our rights.  This calls for a love that is completely self-giving, not self-serving.  When we love like this, we can appreciate when others affirm us, but we are not reliant on it in order to have a good day or a good life.  Our “abundant life” comes from the Lord Himself, and we are secure in knowing that.  If someone rejects us, we attempt reconciliation with humble hearts, or we move on, though always ready and willing to extend love and kindness to them.  1 John 4:21 says, “Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”  And the verse before it tells us that if we don’t, then we really do not love God.

True godly love is all about God and others, not looking inward at what we need.  God promises that He Himself will be the supply-source for all we need.  True love does not play a blame game like Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend promote again in their book “The Mom Factor” where they allow adults to blame their sins on six different ways they may have been raised by their mothers.  Townsend’s book “Hiding From Love” again promotes that victim mentality, rather than just calling it sin –which actually is what makes us to want to hide– hide from God’s judgment!  With other books like this that they are writing, the philosophy of “boundaries” that they “invented” can further be seen as coming from “the wisdom of this world.”

Oh, and just because there is some truth to a philosophy or cult, as all counterfeit wisdoms and religions do have, doesn’t mean that we need have one thing to do with them.  For example, Mormonism teaches a lot of good, but it also teaches a lot of error.  Therefore, we don’t need to listen to ANY Mormon teaching.  We have something FAR better, and so it would be foolish of us to spend time adhering to, or even studying, any of their methods or ideologies.

One more thing:  Remember all that talk about “Love is a Choice” that was being promoted?  God’s Word tells us that for Christ-followers it is no longer a choice.  It states that love is a command.

To avoid family members because they don’t agree or believe or see things exactly as we do, is not anywhere near the actions promoted by Scripture.  Yes, confrontation is Biblical, but it is to be done with gentleness, respect, love, and for the purpose of restoration; not for the purpose of finding reasons to divide or see if the other is going to “respect my rights!”  That’s what a lot of this “boundary” junk is about:  “I made this decision.  Now I’m gonna see if you are going to respect that!  …Ta-dah! –You didn’t!  Okay:  I’m outa here!”

No, no, no.  Much about a relationship is give and take –“You misunderstood, but it’s okay, because I love you, you know; you didn’t mean to –oh, okay; I too am so sorry I hurt you and was inconsiderate; I care for you; how can I serve you?; how can I correct this issue we have?” ………. and so on.

Well, we can discuss this further another time.  But I absolutely do believe that the “Boundaries” book, and others like it, have already brought heaps of heartache and destruction to good and kind Christian family members.

I am praying for your upcoming discussion to be full of the Holy Spirit’s words, tone, heart, and wisdom.

Peace, comfort, and grace be yours,


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